Reddit: Misokinesia Help
Hi guys, first time poster here. First, a little bit about my specific "flavor" of misophonia. I've had miso for as long as I can remember. I remember being a small child and feeling an uncontrollable urge to mimic the sounds my mom would make, lest they echo in my head and drive me crazy. Come high school, I knew I had a problem. Trigger warning (sorry, don't know if that's a rule here or not) When I was about 14 I developed a trigger to gum chewing and especially snapping. This has been and continues to be my worst trigger. Over the years, I've gotten exponentially worse, to the point where I now instantly experience severe panic attacks the moment I hear someone snap their gum. These panic attacks are painful and give me the worst kinds of thoughts. I admit that I still haven't found a way to recover, but what works best for me (shamefully) is to punch something solid so that it causes me physical pain. I have never and would never cause damage to myself. I don't believe in self-harm so please don't make that assumption. The pain from hitting things like my car window is temporary and leaves no physical damage. On to why I'm here: my misophonia is so severe that it has evolved into misokinesia; specifically, seeing someone chewing gum can send me into these panic attacks now. I've worked very public jobs for years, but I now have it made, working surveillance in a quiet room by myself. No auditory triggers. However, there is a security guard where I work who is ALWAYS chewing gum and I am forced to watch him for hours a day. Chewing gum is strictly against the rules, and I've reported him several times, but he always does it again despite bosses telling him not to. I was eventually told by one boss to stop talking about it and not to report him for gum chewing again. I'm at my wit's end. I have panic attacks daily due to this guy's chewing and I just can't handle it. I can't go to the bosses, and quitting isn't an option, as this is the most miso-friendly job I am qualified for. I don't know what to do. I can't handle looking at this guy and I'm in so much anguish. I find myself in a pile of tears, disgust, panic, you name it, DAILY. Please help if you can. I feel like I'm on the fast track to a full-on mental breakdown.
This is a reddit thread on misokinesia